doe | EaT~aLL~YouR~FisH™

“I am the GOAT, there are no other goats before me,” says Fish (audience applauds). In case you didn’t know, “GOAT” is an acronym for “Greatest of All Time,” & I’m just joking, as I am no GOAT, & am but a meager fish, an acronym-less fish, in fact. What could “fish” stand for? Maybe…”Fallen into Satan’s Hell,” would that work? Or perhaps, “Flo isn’t Saying Hello?” No? How about, “Fucking Insane, Seek Help?” I don’t know, those all just don’t work like the grand GOAT, the Great One, the Great-EST One to be exact, & how does One, become a Great One, the Greatest One of All Time? Beats me, I’m proverbial pond scum, the only thing I’m the greatest at is nothing, & you don’t even get a participation trophy for that oh-so-high pseudo-achievement I’ve successfully accomplished. See what I did there? “SUCCESS” -fully, as in NOT a success at all. Ah, personal deprecation, my only actual success. There’s most certainly nothing great about a life of self-disappointment. (Fart Noise) …moving on…

It must be a surreal feeling, at least in my imagination it is, but those who don that exceptionally rare moniker of “The GOAT,” already live a life of surreality, so to them, it’s just another day of feeling great, being great, because you’re so great, look at you, what a great guy, greatest of all time. Of “all time,” you say? Yep, ALL time, YOU, are the GREATEST, of ALL time. Well dang, ok then, thanks for the compliment, & all that comes along with my greatnesses. Everyone is going to give me everything from now on, too? That’s so GREAT. Are you eating here tonight sir, oh great one, will you be dining with us? Of course, the bill is on us, we’re simply honored you’d bestow your unending greatness upon our humble eatery, so do not concern yourself with the check. Really? Ok then, I’ll give the server a life-changing tip, how about that? Sound good? Wow, YOU sir, YOU are just great, what a great guy, greatest of all time. Oh drats, I spilled some of my $10000 free bottle of wine on one of my favorite shirts, this shirt woven with real gold in the collar, so my neck glows. This shirt was given to me by God himself, whatever will I do?

Oh look, there’s an unbelievably exaggerated store across the street, with a great big name on the sign, same great name platinum-stitched on the clothes available there, a name that makes them 10000x their actual value, the price on the price tag, but that doesn’t matter Great One. Let’s GO GO GO…beepity-bopity-beepity-bopbop, I bee-bop to the store, & proclaim, “I’ve ruined my shirt, can someone help me please?” (sounds of people scurrying about like rats to help) …oh NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, we can fix this your greatness, oh Great One, no worries, how about this shirt? Or this one? Need new pants too? Let’s get you some fresh pants(more scurrying about)…there you go oh Great One, all spiffy & new, fresh clothes for you. Oh look, your helicopter has arrived to pick you up oh Great One, the Greatest of All Time, you Great GOAT(sound of helicopter landing)…& WOW, what a chopper she is, is that, could that be, a GOLDEN HELICOPTER?? Sure is, only the best for the GOAT, time to take off, let’s GO GO GO(people scurry their peasant asses out of your way)…& off you go, oh Great One.

Okay okay, I know, I know, I knnnnnnnnnowwwwwwwwww, that was rude, & crude, & I shouldn’t poke jealous fun at GOATs. It’s great to be great, did I just quote that? Surely, SOMEONE has thought that little quip up before, yes? “It’s great to be great,” hmmm, yeah I don’t know, & out of my own ignorance, I am going to enact my own utterly delusional self-sense of “greatness,” & pronounce myself the creator of that quote, how bout them apples? Who’s gonna stop me, the word police? I’m already wayyyyyyyy down at the end of D-wing in the digital gulag supermax, where all other thought criminals go, in my own solitary cell, with a little fish carved into a virtual wall. This is where those who are the “great” in their own right go, & of course in this case, I mean “great” as in “greatly” censored, “greatly” suppressed, “greatly” robbed of my created content, “greatly” exiled from the virtual town square, & I could go on & on, shedding my own skin, greatly, but fuck it, who cares? Who cares that our free speech has been systematically eroded to almost being null & void? Oh no, someone’s feewings got hurt due to “hate speech?” NOOOOOOOO…REEEEEEEEE…HONK HONK HONK…can’t have that, can we? B-O-O-H-O-O

Where are the real GOATs, the keepers of freedom, & truth, & the freedom to speak the truth, where are those GOATs? I’m yet to see anyone from this era estraña that could be considered a true GOAT, not even close really. Think about it…ALL TIME. Sure, there might be some people who have greatness, & they exude that greatness, but the “Greatest of All Time?”….meh, no, not in Clownworld, sorry not sorry, don’t blame me, blame the clowns, & their respective clown cars. They crashed the party, I wasn’t there, nope, & hell, I wasn’t even invited to the party, & surely have nothing to do with clowns, parties, GOATs, none of it. Just a wayward soul traveler that stumbled into this 3d clown town like a Twilight Zone episode, stopping at a one-waitered cafe I can never leave. Coffee, toast, a pen, some scraps of paper, & I’m stuck here until I write my way out, write my way right out of town. I don’t know, I don’t know if anyone was in this booth, at this cafe, in this town, before me, beef whore me, what has come before me? Could it be my circularity? Coming back around again to find me?

Look at that, right on time(class bell rings). Time to GO GO GO, now that the circle has come back around once again, round & round, looping loops, the GIF animation of days flying by, the circularity. Until next time, dear readers, remember this, “goats will eat anything, anything & everything.” Oh, & of course, coined right here in this article, “It’s great, to be great.” So sayeth FisH™🎏

For all of you, & for none of you at all.